New Year's Again? Re-Framing
Resolutions So They Work
So we're coming to the end of
2001 - an eventful year to be sure. And it's the time of year that many people
typically start thinking about their New Year's resolutions.
Now I'm not a really big fan of New Year's resolutions, per se. I mean I like
the idea and all, it's just that the execution usually seems so futile. Every
year I set out with this great list of things I want to accomplish. Yet by
March, and even sometimes mid-February - okay, late-January - the list is all
but a distant memory. And little if any change ever comes from it. Nor does it
help my self-esteem any. Most of the stuff on my resolution list always seems
to need more effort and attention than I'm willing to give.
Perhaps you can relate.
In searching for a better way, I now realize something fairly fundamental.
It's been my experience that most people get stuck because they can only see
two perspectives - the Perfect World Scenario and the Status Quo. The Perfect
World is filled with all sorts of wouldn't-it-be-nice's and if-only's but is
engulfed by a vague sense of impossibility. "I can't get there, so why bother
trying?" Ironically, the Status Quo is the opposite side of the exact same
coin. It embraces what already is, as just fine. Or said another way, "I don't
even want to get there, so why bother?" Either way, you don't get past where
you already are. Neither way offers any real solution or hope. No wonder
people find it so difficult to make meaningful changes in their lives.
What I think is needed is an entire re-frame of the whole New Year's
resolution notion. Now for those of you not familiar with the term, re-framing
is a word used by authors Whitworth, Kimsey-House and Sandahl in their book,
Co-Active Coaching:
Frequently clients get stuck with a certain way of looking at a situation or
experience. Their perspective, moreover, has a message that is in some way
disabling. Your ability to re-frame the experience in a new way provides a
fresh perspective and a sense of renewed possibility.
Given this, I propose we challenge the very idea that resolutions need to be
saved up until New Year's. My re-frame is this: If we time shift holidays so
that they can be celebrated on Mondays, why can't we time shift resolutions to
start … whenever? I was talking with a friend/client who told me she does
exactly this. She makes New Year's resolutions on every New Year's opportunity
she can find - Rosh Hashanah, the Chinese New Year, birthdays, anniversaries,
etc. You name it. And, by not waiting until January 1st, she's often able to
make meaningful progress before she'd otherwise even begin. I like that!
Next, let's re-frame how we define a resolution in the first place and shift
the focus away from what we want to change and more toward what we need to
change. Think about it. When a system outage occurs, you want to restore
service as soon as possible. But you really need to look beneath the symptoms
for the underlying cause - and address THAT. So too, I'm thinking, with
resolutions.
Which brings me to the matter of "compelling way." Again, to quote from
Co-Active Coaching:
This image of what we are drawn to [of what's compelling] has the power to
overcome the bonds of lethargy and fear. It's is not about having; it is about
being fulfilled. How can you have that fulfilling life today? What is the
compelling way for you today?
Compelling way, then, is about freeing yourself from the limitations of
Perfection, and the Status Quo. It's about getting unstuck and purposefully
making the choices that allow you to love being you. Funny words to read in a
business magazine, I know. But DO you love being you? Resolutions made in a
compelling way get at this. They facilitate your growth by becoming a more
real, more important, and more imperative part of what your life stands for.
They're like a sacred pact you make with yourself. A pact you don't dare
break.
Now THAT'S the stuff of change.
So it's time, isn't it? It's time to get your act together and figure out what
you want your life to stand for. It's time to start making the choices you
really need to start making. Yes, it's time. And yes, you're ready - whether
you realize it in this moment, or not. Join me and resolve that 2002 is the
year you bring it all together. Resolve to quit playing small. Resolve to love
being you.
Here are the steps:
Step 1
Start thinking today about what you want - don't wait for the New Year.
Step 2
Identify what you really need- find the underlying cause.
Answer the following questions:
· Why do you
need it?
· What will it give you?
· What will it enable you to do?
· Who will it enable you to be?
· What is the cost of not getting it?
Step 3
Re-frame your need(s) in such a way that you can see beyond the limitations of
the Perfect World Scenario and the Status Quo.
(Note: personal coaches are particularly good at helping with this!)
Step 4
Create resolutions that tap into these new perspectives so that you feel their
compelling way.
Step 5
Find someone to help hold you accountable to your progress. (See above note
about coaches!!)
Step 6
Keep on keepin' on.
In truth, resolutions are as much about honoring the process as anything else
- honoring the process, and honoring you. So what resolutions ARE you ready to
make? If you email them to me, I'll help hold you accountable in the months
ahead.
Happy New Year everyone!
